To Colonel RE Hogan
by Old English Game
Summary: It was in a fairly straightforward, sort of blunt and cynical manner, and Hogan could easily see why the two were related. Super-short chapters
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own these people :) Enjoy!**

_To Colonel RE Hogan,_

_ You don't know me, but I know of you. My name is Mavis Newkirk, although I suppose you already saw that from the envelope. My brother is Corporal Peter Newkirk, one of the other prisoners, and from what he's said in his letters you know him fairly well. You ought to know he has a great deal of respect for you._

_ I write you with a simple request, and that is to take care of my brother. He's an idiot. The sod was always getting into trouble even at home, where he wasn't at war with any of the people he pissed off. Now he is, and although he only writes about staying in the cooler (it sounds like a pretty self-explanatory title to me), I imagine there must be a bit more than that to worry about. And maybe it's stupid, me writing a request for you to keep an eye on just a corporal, out of what must be at least a few hundred, but Peter's a bit thick, too, so it runs in the family, then. But Peter speaks well enough of you, which is really saying a lot, so you must have done something right. _

_T__hank you very much for your time. I wish you the best of luck in your command, especially considering it's about a thousand times harder to deal with since you've got Peter and that little French friend of his to deal with. Take care of yourself, too, it just wouldn't be cricket to lose the only officer Peter actually respects. And don't tell him about this letter, either, or he'll be right pissed at me._

_ Thank you, _

_ Mavis Newkirk_


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm back! Two of the reviews requested more to the story, and I wanted to write one anyways. I'm not sure how long it will go but I hope you like it!**

**-Me**

_To Ms. Mavis Newkirk_

_I didn't mean to reply so late to your letter, since I know it's been nearly a month since you sent it. Surprisingly enough, prison camp life can get pretty busy sometimes and writing you back got pushed to the back of things, unfortunately. I'm sorry for the delay and I hope I didn't cause you any worry._

_I would say don't worry about your brother, but that's very nearly impossible, especially since we both know who I'm talking about here. But you should know I am doing my best to ensure his safety and that of every man in camp, I like to think that they are in good hands._

_I would also like to express my thanks for your well wishes. I greatly appreciate it._

_Respectfully Yours,_

_Colonel RE Hogan_


	3. Chapter 3

_To Colonel RE Hogan_

_ Thank you very much for the reply. The fact that you don't consider yourself invincible says quite a bit for your character, as well as the fact that Peter Newkirk of all people respects you. You might not know him as well as I do; at least, not yet, but you must have figured out that it's quite a feat you've accomplished._

_ Best of luck to you and yours._

_ Take care, _

_ Mavis Newkirk_

_Dear Ms. Mavis Newkirk_

_ Thank you for the thank you._

_ Respectfully yours,_

_ Colonel Robert E Hogan_

_To Colonel Robert E Hogan _

_Really?_

_ Take care,_

_ Mavis N._


	4. Chapter 4

_To Mavis N, _

_I understand it has been a while since I last wrote you; a couple months if I remember correctly. But I thought I should write you now, because, after trying every possible remedy we can think of, the boys and I are absolutely stuck. Your brother has the worst chest cold I've ever seen. He's not in any mortal danger, don't worry. He swears up and down it's not from smoking, although we have confiscated his supply. And his secret supply. And his second secret supply. And we have eyes on the guard in camp he sometimes bribes to supply them. So we've got that base pretty much covered. We also finally managed to coerce him into eating some of LeBeau's fish soup thing (it's pronounced kind of like Bowl-a-Bays), and that did soothe his throat for a little while, although it was hard to tell since he wouldn't admit it. But otherwise, he hasn't been getting any better. His breathing is awful, and in the mornings his throat is so inflamed he can't get down a cup of coffee, hot, lukewarm, or cold. This has gone on for just over a week now. None of us mean to worry you, but he mentioned, once, that your mother had a home remedy for that. He hadn't the slightest clue what was in it, except for a bit of salt for flavor, and we were hoping that you had the recipe._

_ I know it will be a week or two before this reaches you, and then longer before we receive any reply, but rest assured we are taking good care of your brother, even if he is grumpy enough to murder us all in cold blood at times._

_ Respectfully Yours,_

_ Colonel Robert Hogan and men_


	5. Chapter 5

_To Colonel Robert Hogan,_

_ While I am worried about Peter and I'll write down in a moment the recipe for Mum's tea, I must first say that I am incredibly impressed at the fact that you managed to force some of Louis LeBeau's fish stew into him. I imagine you probably had to hold him down or otherwise subdue him to get the git to take any._

_ My mother made a cup of tea, it doesn't really matter what kind as long as it's not Earl Gray. I don't entirely know why. But she took the tea, and added a healthy dose of honey, sugar, and the skim off of the milk. If we had it, a little chunk of ginger that you could save for the next cup. The salt was added to taste, the tea usually got pretty sweet with the honey and sugar and skim._

_ I hope this letter reaches you quickly. My best to all of you and good luck with Peter. The last time I had to deal with him sick was when he was fourteen and somehow I doubt he's changed a bit._

_ Yours,_

_ Mavis Newkirk_


	6. Chapter 6

_To Ms. Mavis Newkirk_

_ Thank you very much for the recipe. Newkirk's doing much better now, although we all have to admit concern for the fact that apparently the only kind of effective medication is a hodgepodge of random ingredients that don't seem to have any remedial purposes on their own. It was truly like a miracle drug._

_ Since Newkirk's still getting back on his feet and hasn't written any letters lately, I'll let you know a bit what's going on around camp. There's not a lot, but there was a general who came through yesterday, I won't say his name because it'll probably get censored anyways. Not a pleasant fellow, to say the least. Newkirk also started a new swindle, I didn't really look into it (there are somethings I like to know nothing about), but I think it's something to do with buying stocks in whatever after the war. It might be a raffle, but again, I think I would be wise to stay out of it. We also got extra rations for the next month in exchange for clearing snow out of the road, which was promptly replaced by more snow over the course of the following night. So, for more rations, the men cleared it again. This might get to be quite a racket._

_ Sincerely,_

_Colonel Robert Hogan_


	7. Chapter 7

_To Colonel Robert Hogan,_

_ I'm glad that Newkirk is getting better. Your little snow job sounds interesting - and that's an American expression, too, isn't it? Fun. Sometimes Peter sends me the most interesting expressions he's learned. The best are the French ones, I think, if only because he's can never figure entirely what they mean and always writes them with smashed-together English words. My favorite so far has got to be "Coot-air-less-you-day-la-tet". I've no idea what it means. I tried it once on a friend from work who speaks French and she said that either one of them had some serious issues or he couldn't pronounce French words for jack._

_ Take care,_

_ Mavis N_


	8. Chapter 8

_To Mavis N,_

_ I doubt Newkirk will write you about this, since I doubt you'd ever let him hear the end of it - I know we aren't, so I thought I'd tell you the tale._

_ We were coming in from roll call (this was a few days ago), and it had been particularly cold. I don't know if you felt it up in London, but the Kommandant actually pulled some of the guards from their posts. We would escape; but it's simply too cold. A couple fellows in our barracks were having trouble breathing, asthma and all, you know, so Newkirk decided to make some tea. It was a very kind endeavor, especially considering that he's our resident cynic and not much of a people person. We don't have a teapot, so he (very reluctantly) settled for our cooking pot, a monstrous cast-iron thing. This proved to be a mistake. LeBeau, whom I'm sure you've heard plenty about, made some jab about the weak gumption of the English to drink tea instead of wine. At least, it was something along those lines, I rather forgot the insult because in the next minute, Newkirk spun around to retort, and his elbow caught the edge of the pot and it went flying. Thankfully, nobody was in the direct line of fire, but Newkirk had already added all of the tea to the water. So now the barracks smells like roses and mint and so do Joseph's and Baker's bunks. Although I think they like the change from old hay and body odor._

_ It was a funny enough event I thought I'd better tell you about it before I forgot any important details, because I guaruntee that Newkirk certainly won't tell you and if it sits until we can tell the story at the end of the war, it will probably be overshadowed by far better tales._

_ Yours,_

_ Robert Hogan._


	9. Chapter 9

_To Robert Hogan,_

_ Thanks very much for the tale. My plan is to allude to it in my letters to Peter just enough to make him uncomfortable. I haven't decided yet if I'll tell him I knew after the war or let it bug him for the rest of his life. I suppose I'll tell him before he dies, though, if only to take his pride down a few notches so he stands a better chance of getting to the right place._

_ Speaking of Peter, has he written a reply to my last letter to him yet? It's been almost two months since he wrote last, and not quite since I replied. By my math (which, admittedly, isn't the best but it's fair enough) I should have gotten a reply two weeks ago, unless the git waited too long before replying, which I could certainly see him doing. I hope he's at least written one by the time you get this, otherwise I might just come to Germany myself and rip his ear off._

_ Sorry. That got a bit violent._

_ Take good care of yourself, and God Bless._

_ Mavis N._


	10. Chapter 10

_To Mavis N,_

_ Newkirk hadn't written you for a while after he received your last letter, he'd also gotten one from a (now ex) girlfriend of his and he'd been a bit preoccupied with trying to decide whether to write her or not, and if so, what to say, and then finally writing the letter. This whole endeavor took a week or two, although I do believe he finally got around to writing you a few days ago. It will go out in the same mail truck as this letter, so you ought to get them around the same time. Or, the way the system works, you'll receive Newkirk's in less than a week and mine in a month._

_ Today Colonel Klink (the Kommandant, I don't know if it had been mentioned to you yet) had the guards trying to train the dogs out in the compound. It didn't help that they tackled the dummy in the American Uniform with hugs and kisses and then their German guards had to drag them back into the kennel. Klink's ordered the dogs to be changed out more often, which is just fine for us since all of them are friendly._

_ Take care,_

_ Yours,_

_ Robert Hogan_


	11. Chapter 11

_To Robert Hogan,_

_ I loved hearing about the dogs. I would say that I would have liked to be there, but given the circumstances it is probably best that I stay back here on our island._

_ For a subject other than my brother and whatever trouble he's been getting into, what's your life like? At the camp or back home, or whatever. I'm curious._

_ Sincerely,_

_ Mavis N_

**_Sorry it's been a bit since I updated *insert sheepish grin*. I've been camping so I haven't had Wi-Fi. I hope y'all like it!_**

**_-Me_**


	12. Chapter 12

_To Mavis N_

_ Life at Stalag 13 can be eventful at times, despite the whole prison-camp bit. There's plenty of people to make it interesting, including (but certainly not limited to) your brother. LeBeau brings the typical French unbridled passion to the table, as well as typical French food, although I imagine his is better. You should get some of his recipes, if you haven't already. Carter is simultaneously the softest-hearted and the most terrifying pyromaniac I've met. Kinch has saved my neck on more than a few occasions, he's level-headed and thinks everything through. Olsen's quick and thinks on his feet. Then there's Barnes and Davis, who are practically joined at the hip, and Garlotti who always watches out for the younger ones, and Foster can get a kind of sneaky grin whenever he's about to do something, well, sneaky. I could go on, too, of course, there's fifteen men in our barracks alone and something around three hundred in the whole camp, plus a few guards who are decent people, but then I'd be rambling._

_ Whenever I think about it, I realize I do have the best bunch of guys a commanding officer could ask for, even if they're certainly not what anyone would expect._

_ How about you? What's life like over in "Jolly Old England"_

_ Yours,_

_ Robert_


	13. Chapter 13

_To Robert,_

_ I didn't hear anyone call it "Jolly Old England" until I went into the WAAC and met some of those posh upper-class types who think they're so terribly quaint._

_ But, anyways. I won't bore you to death talking about all of the people I know, because I'd end up rambling myself. But I am doing pretty well, I'm sure if I try to tell you what I do in the WAAC it'll be censored out, but it's not a bad job. My family's lucky enough none of us have been killed by the war yet, although it's certainly come close. My mother's building was hit while she was visiting her sister, and my uncle Harold lost an arm fighting in Africa. And of course you know Peter was taken prisoner. Gracious, we were worried sick for at least a month between the notice that he was missing in action and the notice about his capture. And then my mother didn't quite believe he was okay until she got a letter from him._

_ But, on the cheerier side of things, I have plenty of close friends, and a roof over my head and food in my stomach, even if it isn't particularly gourmet. I do have a few recipes from LeBeau, although I haven't had a chance to try cooking them yet - I'm either out of eggs or out of time, which, I suppose, is the way it goes._

_ Kindly,_

_ Mavis_


	14. Chapter 14

_Dear Mavis,_

_ After the war, I don't think anyone will believe me when I tell them that I ate better in a prisoner of war camp than anywhere else. Unless I get LeBeau to come back to Connecticut with me, which isn't likely to happen. When we're liberated, he's liable to steal a tank and take off for France straightaway. He'd take your brother with him, of course, they're close. Although he might have to drag him kicking and screaming because I'm sure you've heard about his opinion of French cuisine._

_ Yours,_

_ Robert_

_Dear Robert,_

_ You have no idea._

_ Yours, Mavis_

**Sorry I didn't update for a bit there guys. I'm back now and I finished writing it, I just need to get it up! :)**


	15. Chapter 15

_Dear Mavis,_

_ It's been a while since I wrote you last, I'm sorry. But since Christmas is getting close I thought I'd ask how everyone was faring on your island. I'm told it gets stupid cold and wet. It's about the same down here in good ole Germany, since I guess we're really not that far apart. We've had a few hard showers, and they've turned the compound into an absolute mudpit. It hasn't frozen yet, and for once we wish it would. Everyone's coming in covered in mud, and we've only got so much Red Cross soap which means there's pretty much mud everywhere. A couple of guys tried to make a little Christmas tree out of paper and kindling, but we did, of course, eventually need the kindling, so it only lasted a few days. It might have cheered some people up, but I think for the most part it just reminds everyone of home. Besides the exchanging of a few gifts between friends on Christmas day, the holidays are a touchy subject around here. Everyone just wants to go home._

_ Yours,_

_ Robert_


	16. Chapter 16

_Dear Robert,_

_ Christmas preparations aren't horrible much here, since it's just my mother and I. But we've got plans, and us WAAC girls are trying to coordinate something around all of our schedules and shifts and whatnot. It is sort of cheery here, although most of the girls just miss their boys. The lucky few have found beaus in the Americans stationed here, I feel like there's always some girl or other who's snuck off to meet her Yank._

_ I'm sorry the mood in your camp isn't so good. One thing my mother always did when we needed cheering up was to have us think of something good that happened in the past day or week or whatever. Mostly this happened around the holidays for us, too, since the cousins from the Llywellyn (we know it's weird, they're Welsh) side of the family came over and busted something or other. Us being Newkirks, we usually came to blows over it and when we were finally caught we all proudly proclaimed our hatred for each other. Mam always had us list the good things about having each other as family, and we never really admitted it but it did work. A bit. I'll tell you one thing, the Llywellyns didn't turn out nearly as well as Peter and I._

_ Yours,_

_ Mavis_


	17. Chapter 17

_Dear Mavis,_

_ If Newkirk's the better of the bunch, I'm a little scared of these Llywellyns._

_ I did try what you suggested, although from the look Newkirk gave me he must have recognized the idea. I don't think it did great leaps for morale, but most of the fellas did admit that there were good things to be found. It was a worthwhile endeavor._

_ And, since this letter probably won't reach you until then, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year._

_ Yours,_

_ Robert_

_Dear Robert,_

_ Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and probably Happy Valentine's Day too, at the rate the postal service is declining._

_ Also, it's spelled "endeavour", from your last letter, thank you very much._

_ Crazy Americans._

_ God Bless,_

_ Mavis_


	18. Chapter 18

_Dear Mavis,_

_ Happy Valentine's Day to you, too. I would draw you a little picture or something but one of the few things I can't do is art. My last attempt was drawing a cow back during basic training, and I got in trouble for drawing obscenities. I am better than our Kommandant, though, I've seen his art. I believe he's part of that new Dadaism movement, or else a kindergarten class._

_ Nobody needs unnecessary 'u's. They take up too much space. And besides, then it looks like its pronounced "en-dev-ooor", like some pompous knight of old. Or something._

_ Yours,_

_ Robert_

_Dear Robert,_

_ We had the English language first, created by none other than our William Shakespeare, who is by far the most famous and best writer in the history of the English world, King's English or American. If you Americans hadn't revolted we would still be using the same language and everyone would be happy._

_ Alright, maybe not everyone, but certain things wouldn't have happened. The Revolutionary war, for starters. The War of 1812. And I believe you blokes had a Civil War not long after that. None of that would have happened if you all wouldn't have minded paying taxes. Don't you do that now anyways?_

_ Yours,_

_ Mavis_

**The Dadaism movement was an artistic movement in the 20's that was built on the question of "what is art?" and "how ridiculous and stupid can we get and still call it art?". The guy who signed a urinal and put it on display was a Dadaist.**

**Also, the translation of Newkirk's translation of the French phrase "Coot-air-less-you-day-la-tet" in Chapter 7 is "Coûter les yeux de la tête", which means that something costs the eyes in your head, the equivalent of the English "it cost an arm and a leg". It occurs to me now that I have no idea how it's actually pronounced and I express my apologies to France for butchering their language. Sorry it took me forever to post the translation.**

**Since the author's note is about to be longer than the actual text, I'm going to shut up now.**

**-Me**


	19. Chapter 19

_Dear Mavis,_

_ Yes, we do have taxes, if you must know. But under the English jurisdiction, the Americans had no representation in the English Parliament and therefore no voice as to the severity of the taxes and no way to keep them from rising over time. Didn't you ever hear the term "taxation without representation"?_

_ I'm probably getting too heated over this, but the Revolutionary War was one of my favorite subjects in school. Over here "on the other side of the pond" it's quite a big deal for every patriotic little boy and girl. No offense meant to your bunch, of course. The ones involved in the Revolutionary War are all dead now anyways._

_ Yours,_

_ Robert_

_Dear Robert, _

_ That is true, as well as the fact that, being they're all dead now, we really shouldn't be arguing about it._

_ If you've met my brother, though, you know us Newkirks love to fight to the very last petty end, so I'll say that, if the British had kept the Colonies, then more than likely they'd have invaded other parts of the world, too (which, granted, they did anyways, but they might be able to keep them with more manpower, size, natural resources and whatnot). Thus, if the British empire had ultimately dominated the entire world, then none of the wars would have happened._

_ Kindly,_

_ Mavis_


	20. Chapter 20

_Dear Mavis, _

_ In the spirit of ending the debate, I'll admit you're right and we can agree to disagree. _

_ Today, Carter (I'm sure you've heard of him, the one with two left feet) came into the barracks after roll call, which was all fine and dandy in itself, but then he tripped, and Newkirk, who was right behind him, tripped as well, and so did Barnes and Davis, and thankfully it stoped at Kinch, who was smart enough to give them a wide berth, as the four of them together can be dangerous. I tried very hard not to laugh, because it wouldn't be very proper of a commanding officer, but it was a pointless endeavor proved a challenge._

_ Also, I've been forced to ban your brother from correspondence with the Scotsmen in Barracks 12. I don't know if he mentioned just how smashed he gets, but he was waking up those of us in camp who had the good sense to try and sleep instead of celebrating your obscure British holidays. Burns night? Really?_

_ Yours,_

_ Robert_


	21. Chapter 21

_Dear Robert,_

_ I laughed pretty hard, too, and I wasn't even there. Then I told the siblings and we all had a lovely laugh at Peter's expense. But don't tell him. Burns night is a Scottish thing, by the way, he just loves an excuse to get into trouble, if you ask me. I believe that's why he joined the RAF, because he wanted to give me a heart attack by flying around in one of those metal death traps._

_ Yours,_

_ Mavis_

_Dear Mavis,_

_ Airplanes really aren't that bad, they're very intricately designed and a ride in one can be a lot of fun when people aren't shooting at you. I'll take you sometime after the war?_

_ Yours,_

_ Robert_


	22. Chapter 22

_Dear Robert,_

_ If you don't mind my asking, was that a not-very-subtle way of asking me out?_

_ Yours,_

_ Mavis _

_Dear Mavis,_

_ It was, but don't tell Peter, or I may not survive this war. He is very insistent that our correspondence is that of mutual respect, friendship, and distance._

_ Yours,_

_ Robert_

_Dear Robert,_

_ I should tell you I've been warned about the devious qualities of certain American colonels. I would love to._

_Yours,_

_Mavis Newkirk_

**End.**

**That went so much longer than I intended and I love it! And the response stories from Abracadebra and LE Wigman are amazing. It absolutely made my day when I saw them.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-Me**


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